It would seem that one is either a father or not. In a biological sense paternity is clear. Yet, it is obscured by a number of women who assert that one man is a biological father while another has donated his genes to procreate in her womb.
We know upon reaching our mid-teen years that “things” are too frequently not what they are made out to be. The dating “game” is based upon this assumption, so that being one’s self “straight up” might well be a disadvantage if the assumption is that “everyone exaggerates,” everyone puts on.
This is another way of acknowledging that everyone lies. I’ll leave that for another time.
To the point, what we are given to believe is quite often not what is true. It is what someone wants us to believe. If a majority, or a mere 50% of television viewers (addicts) would listen to broadcast “news” with one continual question, “why do these people want me to believe this?” we would all be better off. It would become clear that “opposing” views are two sides of a wooden nickel. Almost any topic will be argued about from what appears to be opposing views. These arguments “from left and right” assume that a subject, a topic of discussion or news item is a real event to begin with. In arguing “opposing views” each side repeats “facts” about an event as if without any doubt it took place. Those “basic facts” may not be true at all. Yet, hearing ‘experts’ argue as if it is true fixes a belief in the mind of the listener/viewer who may then take sides, arguing vehemently for one position, against its opposite, left, right or center. It becomes easier to accept that an opposing camp “has a good point” (we agree to disagree) than it is to accept that an event argued about never happened to begin with.
An example of this may be the Gulf of Tonkin Incident: President Johnson and top U.S. officials chose to believe that North Vietnam had attacked a U.S. destroyer in the Gulf of Tonkin on August 4, 1964. Highly classified documents described a prior event; two days earlier covert U.S. attacks on North Vietnam had taken place, and North Vietnamese fired back. Doves and hawks argued heatedly over whether or not the event was sufficient cause to war against North Vietnam. A Gulf of Tonkin Resolution resulted in more than 58,000 American lives being spent without it being considered that no attack took place on August 4, 1964. Nearly 50 years later, many remain unwilling to accept the truth: it did not happen.
The political arena is a macrocosm of what happens at a smaller scale, in personal relationships, especially families, separation of mother and father specifically. Two sides oppose each other, and too often a false accusation is introduced, an event or a series of events that never took place. Vehement arguments ensue. The accuser gains immediate support as if the accusation is true; something terrible occurred. The accused is forced to become defensive: “if you are not guilty, why are you defensive?” This is similar to, “If you do not want to go to war, you are an appeaser, a friend of our enemy.”
False accusations in a divorce, or throwaway situation for those not married, have a common objective in nearly all cases: to alienate one parent from his or her child/children. It usually works exceedingly well. It is not a coincidence that there are more than 25 million American children without any father influence in their lives. Nor is this an accident, or evidence that a high percentage of men “abandon” their children.
If courts had any wisdom at all they would operate under a premise that there is already a huge problem of fatherless children, so when a father begs the court (judge) to maintain contact with a child he should whenever possible be given benefit of a doubt by the court. But money does not buy wisdom.
Thus there are a million anonymous fathers created each year. All it takes to become anonymous is to be seen but not known, to be silent, and not to be heard.
It has been a common experience of this writer that others claim to know my thoughts more accurately than I, that other persons are able to tell me exactly what I feel better than I, that others are better equipped to define my deepest motivations for acting or not acting any given way . . . and they do. It becomes clear that many who have never met me or heard my story, and without bothering to learn facts about circumstances through which I have passed, are more perfectly able to explain what I am all about. There are a million men out in this world much like me, who face the same. We are anonymous; whom we really are inside remains a complete unknown. Because so many believe they “know” all about us, there is no need to ask, or to listen. We each have a score of volunteers willing to speak for us, and to come between our children and ourselves.
Thus, we are anonymous fathers. Our unique stories and unique identities are lost in the smoke blown out the asses of other people who know better who we are than we ever will. Or so we are told.
